BLACK SWANN IS PROBABLY THE BLOG THAT YOU WILL WANT TO READ NOW. I AM SLOWING DOWN WITH THIS ONE. I AM TAKING STOCK OF ALL I'VE ' SEEN,' AND THE ' PROGRAMING,' OF MY LIFE WITH SOME EXCEPTIONS AS TO WHAT I HAVE BUILT MYSELF AND WHAT I HAVE FOUND TO READ MYSELF.
I HAVE TAKEN INTO ACCOUNT ALL THAT I HAVE READ AFTER THE ' LAST LIGHT PERSON,' BEFORE A BIRTHDAY PARTY THAT I WAS INVITED TO WHEN I , OR RATHER ' SHE ' KISSED ME. THE GHOST IN THE MACHINE GOT TO ME FIRST AS I WAS AWAKING, BUT IT WAS TOO MECHANICAL, SO I DON'T THING IT WAS TOO MUCH OF HER, BUT RATHER THE MAKERS, THE MINDS OF THE ' MACHINE ' THAT SOMEHOW ' CONVEYED ' THE IMAGE.
ON MY UNCLE'S SMALL BLACK AND WHITE TELEVISION ' RUNNING WITH THE DEVIL ' WAS PLAYING. VAN HALEN WAS THE GROUP.
THIS IS THE ONLY ' EXAMPLE ' OF REAL LIFE THAT I WILL EVER GIVE, AS PER BSS, DURING A VERY BAD TIME IN MY LIFE IN ALBQ. NEW MEXICO, I FOUND MYSELF IN FRONT OF DAVID BERRIES HOUSE, AN ALLEGED DRUG DEALER. I WAS ARMED AND SITTING IN MY SUV. I HAD TWO MORE MAGAZINES WITH STAGGERED
ALTERED FULL METAL JACKETS AND HOLLOW POINTS AND A SQUIRT BOTTLE.
IT TOOK ME LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES AND ' ROTTED ' WHATEVER IT WAS, FOR THE NEIGHBORHOOD DOGS.
I CHOSE NOT TO, NO GUARDIAN ANGLES. THIS WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE, THE OLD ' BUM ' JACKET WAS WHAT I WORE, NOT THE BLUE AND BLACK NORTE DAME THAT WAS PICKED OUT OF MY TRASH LATER.
I DROVE UP TO THE SANDA'S AFTER BERRIES AND ALMOST SCREAMED, BUT FELL SILENT IN THE MIST THAT WAS ALL AROUND. A WOMAN JOGGER WEARING A STAR OF DAVID PASSED ME BY AND I HEARD ' G_D BLESS YOU.' AN OLDER COUPLE PASSED BY NEXT, THEY THE CROSS AROUND HER NECK.
WHEN I LEFT AN HOUR OR SO LATER, I CHECKED THE ' STERNO,' AND OUT DOOR CAMPING FUEL. THE MASON JARS AND BAGGIES WERE THROWN OUT THAT DAY.
THE STERNO AND CAMPING FUEL WAS THROWN OUT IN AUSTIN, TX. LONG AFTER THE BOAT FIRE ( ANOTHER HOMELESS GUY, I READ, FOLLOWED THE ORDERS ), THIS THE SECOND TRIP. I GAVE THE STERNO TO A GUY WASHING HIS CAR. THE CAMPING FUEL TO ANOTHER WHO HAD A TRUCK. I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER THE YOUNG GIRLS TAKING THE BIG STEPS ALL AROUND AND IN VIEW OF THE OWNER OF THE ' PARTY BOAT,' WHERE THE RAPE OCCURRED. MY CELL PHONE DIDN'T WORK THE NIGHT I HEARD THE ' CRIES,' ON THE RIVER.
IF I HAD STAYED IN TUSON, AZ. AND WOULD OF BEEN AT THE EVENT WHERE THE REP. WAS SHOT, I WOULD OF BEEN ONE OF THE ONE'S TO STOP IT.
I WILL NEVER KNOW WHO THE TALL, DARK HAIRED MAN WAS OFF THE HIGHWAY AT A COFFEE/ICE CREAM ? SHOP WAS; THE WAY HE ' LOOKED ' UP, EYE'S ALMOST GLAZED OVER AND THAT DAMN GOLD RING. I DON'T KNOW IF IT WAS MASONIC OR MILITARY. I DO KNOW THAT HIS TOTAL ' AURA ' DID NOT WANT ME THERE. THIS WHEN I FIRST ARRIVED IN AZ.
IT TOOK ME LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES TO SQUIRT THE CORNERS AND THE DRIP TRAIL WAS CONSTANT, THIS AFTER ' HER ' SCREAMS,' AND THE ABDUCTION FROM THE PARTY ACROSS FROM HIM. ALL THE WHILE TRYING TO PUT UP WITH THE ' ATTACKS,' ' THE RAPES ' AND THE CONSTANT NONSENSES OF ' INCOMING,' THAT I HAVE FOUND AT THE MISSOURI STREET RESIDENCE OR IN ASSOCIATION WITH THAT NEIGHBORHOOD.
ONLY DRUG DEALERS GOT FAST RESPONSE FROM THE POLICE IN ALBQ. AT THAT TIME. ONLY THEM ON ALICE STREET OR MARBLE, BUT THEN DAVID WAS RENTING FROM ONE, A COP. THE BUREAUCRACY THAT ' GOOD ' COPS RUN INTO AND EVERYDAY CITIZENS IS JUST BEYOND COMPREHENSION AND THEN THE CRIMINALS ARE REWARDED. I HAVE SEEN THIS, AND THE WORST OF THEM FAR OUT WEIGH THE ' REFORMED ' WHO JUST WANT WORK AND TO START OVER. THAT IS THE TRUTH.
IF I MADE THAT DECISION THAT NIGHT, FOUR HOUSES WOULD OF GONE UP IN SMOKE THAT CONTAINED EVERYTHING FROM UZIES TO COCAINE AND ALOT OF POT, I GUESS MOST OF THE ' WOMEN ' WERE ALREADY DEAD; THE MULES.
THE MASON JARS AND THE BAGGIES TO GO IN, WHERE LEARNT FROM CLASSES THAT I NEVER TOOK AFTER ' BOOT CAMPS ' THAT I NEVER ATTENDED IN PERSON. I THEY WERE EVER TO BE USED, WELL, WOULD I BE BETTER THAN THEM?
THE PEOPLE AROUND VETERANS SHOULD BE ' CONTROLLED ' TO SOME EXTANT. BE VERY CARE FULL WHO YOU LET BACK INTO SOCIETY, INSIDE A ROOM WITH ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD PICKING ' MINDS ' FROM ALL AROUND AND ALWAYS, ALWAYS AFTER INFORMATION REGARDING ALWAYS, CHILDREN IN THE END. THIS IS WHAT I HAVE ALSO LEARNED AND THEY SHOULD NEVER OF BEEN GIVEN THE FREEDOMS TO EVEN ATTEMPT TO VISIT LIBRARIES IN THE FIRST PLACE OR COLLECT SOCIAL SECURITY; NO CASH ON HAND OR CREDIT EVER.
BLACK SWANN WILL PROBABLY HAVE A PARENTAL WARNING. I WAS WRONG ABOUT ONLY ' SEVEN ' EVENTS, YEARS AGO.
FROM THE HEART, I WILL NEVER REALLY KNOW IF I DID THE ' RIGHT,' THING ABOUT ' EXPLODING ' ALL THE DRUG HOUSES AND KILLING THE DRUG DEALERS; CHILDREN WERE INVOLVED AND THE CONSTANT ' WE NEED MORE PROOF.' I MADE TWO CALLS TO THE FBI, A DETECTIVE GAVE ME THE SECOND NUMBER, SHE HAD A TEAR IN HER EYE.
______________________________________________________
THE PRIMARY ' LAYER,' SO WELL ' HIDDEN ' BY WAY OF ' BLOCKING,' ? RADIO; FEEDBACK IN STATIC ?
LAST NIGHT, ' THE WATCH,' A MOVIE THAT I REMEMBERED THAT I WANTED TO RENT OR GO SEE. I NEVER DID. I DID HOWEVER RENT MOVIES THAT I NEVER WATCHED, BUT I DON'T THINK THIS WAS ONE OF THEM. THE ' VOICES ' WHERE THAT OF SOME ONE OTHER THAN PRINCE, IN VERY CLOSE PROXIMITY, ANOTHER MALE ' OVER,' AND FEMALES IN ?????
PROTOTYPE < ( HE'S THE ) ORIGINAL, INSTANT IN MY ' MIND,' UT AUSTIN, BUT DIDN'T KNOW IT THEN, UNTIL I WAS ACTUALLY THERE; THE TREES FROM THE VANTAGE POINT OF THE STROLLER AND WALKING AS A SMALL CHILD.
EIGHT BALL
ANTONIO ( MY MIND, EX GIRLFRIEND, FEMININE )
LUCY
LUCY
< " YOUR A GOOD MAN CHARLIE BROWN " DURING SOME ARGUMENT ABOUT SCULPTURES I THINK? BUT SOMETHING ELSE?
< " THOSE REPRESENT A SUBSTANTIAL AMOUNT OF MONEY "
- BARTON PRINCE'S VOICE BACK THEN.
ALL THIS OCCUR ED AFTER I READ A BOOK ABOUT ? THAT ENDED IN MIDDLE EAST AND MARY MOTHER OF G_D'S FACE. A BOOK THAT DESCRIBED MY IMMEDIATE NEIGHBORS BUT THE CHARACTERS IN THE BOOK WERE SWITCHED BY WAY OF ' NAMES ' TO THE CHARACTERS PERSONALITIES.
BARTON PRINCE ONCE TOLD ME THAT I SHOULD NEVER USE A CORDLESS PHONE AND EXPLAINED IN DETAIL AS TO WHY I SHOULDN'T. " THAT'S WHAT I'VE HEARD, ANYWAY." I TOOK A ' MENTAL PHOTO,' I GUESS, OF THE MOMENT ON THE PHONE. YEAR, BEFORE THE OJ CHASE DOWN THE HIGHWAY; THIS ABOUT SIX MONTH'S, I THINK, BEFORE.
I NEVER THOUGHT ALL THIS WAS REAL.
THE ' OTHER ' BOOK I CHECKED OUT, I CAN NOT READ, I RAN INTO ANOTHER ' CLASSMATE,' AND REMEMBERED THE ' CON ( S ),' THOSE WHO WERE OF ARAB DESCENT AND THOSE WHO WERE OF JEWISH DESCENT AND ALL THE REST OF MY ' FRIENDS.' AND HOW ' ALL WERE GAY.'
SO MUCH FOR McDERMOTT.
THE LAST BIG PAINTING THAT ' EXIST,' I THINK IS IN BARTON PRICE'S POSSESSION; THE EIFFEL TOWER, AND ' HARP ' IS SAID TO BE ' MOBILE ' NOW.
THE FACT OF ALL BIO SCIENTIST DYING ALL OVER THE PLACE WORRIES ME AS TO HOW CERTAIN ' FREQUENCIES ' MIGHT BE USED IN ACCOMPANIMENT WITH ' DIET '; AMINO ACIDS. I FOCUSED ON SERENE ONCE, EVERYONE AROUND ME USED ' SERENE ' IN NAME OR PRODUCT OR IN DESCRIPTIVE TERMS OTHER THAN THE ' SUSTAINED ' CONDITION OF DEFINITION.
THAT OF 26 PRIMARY AMINO ACIDS, NOW YOU KNOW WHAT SOME OF THESE ' FUCKS ' TRY, INTERLACED WITH SOME OF THE MOST ?????????? IDEAS AND IMAGES; TERRORISM, AND ' NULL;' THE ERASURE OF ' HUMANITY.'
11,13, 24 in relation to the People Mag. of 2001, sept. 24 ( publish date ) might be of help, as per laser dot on Cap May ( other side of my window ) and then the fires there, boardwalks I think a week later. Sorry to have thrown out ' receipt,' I think, that I wrote date on it. I will look for copy of lease, one week afterwards.
I have habit of ' sound boarding,' as per ideas.Someone seen with very young girls, but i couldn't see clearly, and her face was turned.
This was ' combined ' with " did you see any genitalia?/was there any pubic hair? - ' but female, voice from around CA, Cape May. All this in an instant. Then memory of " I have children, that's how i know." Female who showed me window and house in Firewood during leave; best friend of Assistant Platoon Leader. Then Cape May Crud after second round of vaccinations and almost being ' sliced and diced ' at TRACEN, CAPE MAY.
I NEVER HAD A CHANCE WITH CAP. FODER OR WITH JAG.
my memory of it gone, for decades, white blinding light/nano seconds then almost dying/accidents; I learned to listen, then ' cushion ' exploded, i guess, the thing left in my ear, like silver pill; that came apart with blood, first stay at RESCUE MISSION and first class at EPCC.
I asked for my Medical files when I left and got them to fight it further; memory and ' told ' by other Vets that uncharcterized is departure without honor.Vietnam Vets, and Korean, one. signed up for draft, ayear, maybe ahalf later. I was pissed. Army. Anyway, asked a shrink ( lady who I washed windows for ) after i told her more or less what happened, it almost surfaced. she stated that what ever resolved seemed to be fine. I thought of my mother's cancer, she had not died yet, in ' attacks ' she was already dead. that was part of above ' you're gay or bisexual.' I was always wrong.
In hindsight, I wished that I had seen real pic's of Danes, then I would of been ' armed,' for ' that ' level, then " He's one of yours."
Thanks for the letter VA ( stolen hard drives ), never got first one. That's why I don't much care about putting some of this on the Net, seems like it ends up in the wrong hands anyway.
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